Good Morning, Anita. I wanted to reach out to you again for some guidance and advice. Amanda and I had a couple discussions since I last posted here. The first conversation involved me explaining why I enforced my boundaries in the first place and how upset I get when she makes me feel guilty and mean for putting myself first more often. I let her know that I pick up on her energy and demeanor changing completely whenever I do this or take more than an hour to respond to her. She said she understood and to that I reminded her she could text me anytime she wanted and I would respond back the moment I could and if I have the capacity to. That response sparked another discussion the following day. Amanda proceeded to tell me that I make her feel annoying, overwhelming… I don’t make her feel loved, supported, or encouraged. I make her feel like garbage because I can’t make her a high priority like she makes me. I told her I appreciate her honesty and that I’m sorry my boundaries created these feelings within her. I reminded her that I expressed similar emotions whenever I engage in acts of self-care and that her energy changes. I told her that I feel because I make her feel a similar way to how she makes me feel makes me conclude that we have become toxic for each other and that she has had a toxic impact on me. I apologized that I created this problem because I made myself too available and accessible from the start of our friendship so I take some of the blame for why she’s been feeling this way once I started creating space. Her response to that was “Ok, I’m toxic now. Cool. Cool. I wish you the best.” I didn’t respond to that, but a few hours later she sent another text stating she forgives me even though I blamed her for all of this and made her think she was to blame for the distance between us. I honestly felt a little gaslighted by that response. I also did not respond to this. Because I never placed all the blame on her.

With all that said, the point of me reaching out to you again Anita is because her comments upset me. I feel guilty and feel like I was in the wrong. Was I actually toxic and perhaps gaslighting her too? Her comments bother me because she claims (in the last message she sent) that she respected me and my boundaries and allowed me to be my true self. I guess I struggle with distinguishing the difference between healthy boundaries and toxic ones. I know I need to take better care of myself and my soul. I just need some guidance if I went about this all wrong and sabotaged this friendship. I don’t want to make this mistake with other friends, especially the friends I haven’t crossed paths with yet. I want to be better and to do better, but Amanda really made me feel like I wasn’t being my best self. I’m curious to hear your thoughts.