Hi Arie
I have been following this thread. I think it’s understandable why you have been concerned. You sensed that something was amiss and it was.
He is depressed and avoiding you because of abuse at home. His mother threatened to kick him out because you are dating (She would threaten this with any girlfriend). As you are being involved in the abuse, it’s understandable that he needs space during this tumultuous phase of the abusive cycle. None of this is your fault, but you do need to accept what is happening.
In a less tumultuous phase of the abusive cycle his depressive mood may stabilise. There is a small chance he may resume the relationship then if you respect his needs and give him the space he asked for.
During the requested space, perhaps it might be okay to ask if he would mind you texting him say once a week to check in? Whatever timeframe he agrees to you should accept and stick to.
I’m sorry that things are painful because a) he is suffering and you want to be there for him and b) he isn’t able to cater to your needs during this time. You must ask yourself if this is what you want in a relationship? He may have difficulty sustaining a relationship while he lives with his mother. If things recover I recommend that you do not spend time at his house. Meeting elsewhere would be ideal.
As for S&M, if he doesn’t try and coerce you into participating I see no issue. It is up to you whether you participate or not. Be prepared to set some boundaries about what you do and don’t want to do!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 