Thank you for understanding! It was a long time ago. I left home at the first available opportunity and never looked back. After many years of therapy, I feel that this was the first time I have been able to safely express anger about it. Thank you for giving me that opportunity. I’m not upset at the moment, but it was visceral a long time ago.
That’s a good question. I don’t know. Certainly, I have unresolved issues around the topic. It has indirectly been a theme of my anxious thoughts.
I have a tendency to catastophise and expect the worst. The pins set up by my mother were reinforced by further trauma as a young adult.
I came to expect pain and suffering in all walks of life. I have done some work on this. I know now this is not the case. There are good experiences to be had and kind people out there.
Still, it is often my first thought when I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Thank you for helping identify this as an area I need to work on. I’m not sure if it necessarily related to physical pain, but it is definitely how I respond to it. Specifically, jumping to the worst case by experiencing habitual thoughts of suicidal ideation when I feel severe physical pain.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 