Dear Angel:

The title of your thread is a question: “Love at first sight?“. You asked this question back on June 17, 2020, because at the end of only the second date with this guy, he told you that he was “in love” with you. You were incredulous, so you asked him (in so many words): so fast? And his answer: “he knows what love feels like and that what he felt with me is a lot stronger than anything he’s ever felt before“. If he was sincere about what he felt for you, what this means to me is that he equated love not to a quality or quantity of a relationship (it was only a 2nd date, not a relationship yet), but to a feeling, and only… a feeling.

You had other honest questions for him, so to figure out if he is a good candidate for a life together.

By March 5, 2022, your eyes were no longer open. You no longer asked him questions. You no longer looked for answers. All you wanted was his presence and that he will no longer be angry at you: “I closed my eyes on a lot of his behaviors… I don’t understand what I did that was so bad. I don’t understand how to move on from such hate and anger towards me…   By certain point, I feel like I just wanted his presence… I think I’m just dependent on his presence“.

In my March 6 analysis post to you, I wrote: “Here is what I see: there has been, from the start, a fundamental incompatibility between you and him: you are intellectually honest, he is not. By being intellectually honest, I mean that you have an honest attitude to finding answers and solving problems: you ask questions because you are looking for the truth… You are intelligent and you have an inquiring mind, therefore you ask honest, straightforward questions”, etc.

My mistake, made ten days ago, was that I thought that you were intellectually honest with him throughout the relationship, ever since June 2020 all the way to March 2022, but I was wrong:

My best understanding today is that you were intellectually honest with him and about him back in June 2020, but by March 2022, you were no longer intellectually honest. Nor were you intellectually dishonest. You were intellectually lost, lost in your dependence on his presence. By March 2022, you changed from a thinking, cautious, inquiring woman to a woman lost in feelings.

I hope to read more from you.

anita