Hi helcat:

I know that I lied to her. And that I deceived her and hurt her. I shoulda ended things years ago. It became an addiction for me. But I don’t enjoy watching her suffer and didnt ask her to humiliate and degrade herself. This was a friend that she was attracted. She liked to hang out with him. They still hang out. I wanted that open relationship but I didn’t make the commitment to it. I guess because I didn’t really know if I wanted it and I was lonely. She kept a lot hidden from me too. I’m not blaming her at all. I just wasn’t ready to commit and wasn’t strong enough or whatever to walk away from it.

I don’t wanna hurt anyone any more. I do feel bad for all her time I wasted and what I did to her. I wanna stop being that person I was and am.