Dear Carson

“In third grade, my dad told a girl I liked her… He gets mad when I do things that have a chance of harming him” – but he wasn’t mad at himself when he harmed you (Dec 5, 2021, in your thread Shame): “He had me smell his underwear, bath with him, kiss me on the lips in public, and slept naked with me and my mom“.

“And my mom was in his corner“, just like she was when she allowed him to sexually abuse you.

Here is a definition of sexual abuse: “unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent”-

Notice that the definition says that a perpetrator (your father, an adult) may use force or take advantage of a victim (you, a young child) who is not able to give consent. As a young child, you were not mature enough to understand what was happening and then say Yes or No to your father. When you matured enough to be able to say Yes or No to your father, you said No (“When I told him I was done bathing with him…”, Dec 5).

“My inner child… wants to run away… I literally am so afraid of my dad I want to run away… Any suggestions on what to do?” – talk to one or to a few health care professionals in regard to the sexual abuse that was inflicted on you by your father and accommodated by your mother when you were a young child, and about how currently, the two of them are harassing you in regard to your sexual orientation. Maybe the health care professionals you talk to can locate community resources for you, such as a safe, well-managed group home where you can move to as soon as possible (ASAP) and never again live with your parents!

anita