Dear Anita,

Sorry about the late reply. I have been thinking about what you all have shared on this topic for the last few days. It’s like I have lot’s to say, but don’t know what to type.

I am so sorry that you had to go through all what you described with your mother. And after all these years to clearly describe what you felt, it must have cut so deep through you to be able to remember such details clearly. Only things that hurt us deeply can leave such long lasting effects.

This might be silly, but can I ask how to detect abuse while its happening? Sometimes I am not able to distinguish between the small voice at the back of my head that says ‘no this is wrong’ and in trying to be forgiving in my association with others. It’s like others can clearly see from my general attitude, behavior and talk that I am someone who can be taken advantage of or be bossed over. I guess I don’t know how to be assertive. What happens is when I try to be assertive, I try to be empathetic too and then it leads to blurring of my boundaries. I guess I am also scared of confrontation, of fighting with someone I am close to, of losing them, of making them think I am ‘bad’. I also sometimes think that I am not made for this world where people just want to take advantage of others.

I do wish you well and hope that you find your peace.

Regards,

Shve