Thank you for replying. I tried my best to keep it short and simple. These are some thoughts that’s been in my head for a while. I really needed to get it off my chest. Even if it’s out into the void of the internet.

I’m not young anymore so this makes it even more difficult. Trying to make friends after you hit 30 is very difficult. It’s almost like I don’t want to anymore. My biggest fear is regretting going down the path of isolation when I’m on my death bed. If I don’t have that happen then it’s fine. I can live with my choice. But the fear is ever present.

I still go out occasionally but not with people I’m been very close to. They are friendly and know me and some of the issues I’ve been going through, so it feels safe enough. Maybe that’s good enough, or that’s that’s the only thing that will work for me at this phase in my life.