Dear anita

About “I reach out for new people and new experiences”:

Currently I strongly feel rejected and let down by my family. I also feel very lonely. Remember when I told you about my little sister, who seems to have a better life than me? I also want to have friends in my current city. I want people around me who I can rely on and with who I can share the joy of life. That’s the reason why I am actively searching people with more or less same hobbys and interest. The last weeks I tried some online platform and I met a handful of very nice people. Last weekend for example a hiking group organised a hike and I jumped over my shadow to meet them. That’s the kind of new good experience I am seeking. It feels good to be surrounded and accepted by like minded people. I don’t call them friends yet for sure. To build friendship it needs time. Trust comes with actions and time.

If those constant “suffocating feelings” would not be there, then for sure I am a much different person. Everyone who is calm and free from negative feelings would be different in a positive way. Then I also would take the jump to change my career path, which take most of my mental energy.

Regulating those “suffocating feelings” would be amazing. Honestly I haven’t done any worksheets yet. I read them but haven’t filled anything. I read a book, which is written by a psychologist, about self worth and how to improve it. But it didn’t work for me. It was more a principle of just doing the things what you are afraid of and just to stop talking/thinking badly about yourself. I also have to say that I am often trying to avoid to think about those suffocating thoughts. I rather meditate than write down those things.

Sesha