Dear Eric:

I am glad to feel that you are feeling much better (at least you did when you posted last; I know that feelings change).

“But the things is, sometimes we can’t control our mind….. if we have negative thoughts it’s really hard to gain control of it…. and immediately forget every progress that we made” – I agree and I understand. It takes a whole lot of time and work to gain a bit of control over our minds, and then a bit more… and a bit more.. until life gets easier (it would be nice to have an easier life, wouldn’t it?)

“Our mood could also affect these kind of issues, if we’re in a good mood, maybe the negative thoughts are easier to control” – again, I agree: mood and thoughts are very much connected.

“As regarding for that girl, I re-read TeaK’s advices on my other account…. After re-reading this, I feel calmer….l… Now I understand why she doesn’t want a relationship yet… She keeps telling me that she has several aunts who ended up in a bad marriage… She also told me… ” – for as long as reading Tee’s advice calms you, please do keep reading it. As far as what is going on in the girl’s (young woman’s) brain: I don’t know and neither do you. You know what she told you in the past, but was she sincere about everything that she told you? Plus, just like your moods and thoughts change, so do hers. Therefore, what she sincerely told you in the past may not apply to the present time.. or to the future time.

“The one that’s making me insane is that my brain keeps wondering whether she still have thoughts about me, also wondering whether there’s a possibility of me and her being together again in the future…. But at the same time I also feel like I shouldn’t waste all of my time only waiting for her, I also must try dating other girls… I need to get out from this endless loop” –

– (1) try to shift your focus from her thoughts to => her direct actions. If she didn’t contact you directly and tell you that she has feelings for you and that she wants to date you- assume that she does not have feelings for you and that she does not want to date you. Don’t rely on what you think she thinks and what you feel that she feels. Rely on her direct actions instead,

(2) Of course it’s better that you don’t waste time, and that you  date other girls. Problem is how to make it happen when your anxiety and obsessive thinking (that “endless loop”) are in your way of doing what’s best for you. I still wish- as before- that you had professional help on the matter.

“I really want to be able to lead my own life… I don’t want to feel any more painful regret which causes me to bang my head, and she’s one of the factors why I did that.. Tbh when I’m out of the city few days ago with my parents, I went to the mall and saw several girls and I felt my heart beating faster than usual” –

– (1) I can see that you can fall in love with another woman, it’s just the lack of meeting and interacting with young women that are behind your repeated focus on this one girl, (2) Everyone makes mistakes and regret them later: I do, you do, everyone does. Try to make peace with making mistakes because- as a human- you don’t have the option of not making mistakes,

(3) For me, it is a pleasure to read that you want to be able to lead your own life: you are already in the process of leading your own life, and I am proud of you for it, Eric!

anita