Dear anita,

In my life i have been and still am needed a lot by different people, my mother included. While there is joy to be found in helping others its still a lot of pressure. As i said i dont want to need people, i want to want people in my life and i want to rely on them. Like when im asking for help i want to be supported and when im not asking for help i just want to feel accepted the way i am. If i really need people i have been hurt and disappointed so much that i realised that needing people can kill you. I want to need myself and i want to have people in my life that i can rely on, because ive run enough into knives you didnt know were there. I know this sounds kind of harsh, how do you feel about this?

How did you overcame your intense feelings of loss and pain regarding your mother? Acceptance as a process? Time?

I thank you for your offer to help me regarding finding a therapist. I dont really know what you mean by that?

You are right, i have trouble regarding meaning and purpose right now. Before i was content to just live and feel free and let the future and its challenges show me the way and enjoying the good things i had in my life. These days im struggling to find meaning in the things i experienced, in myself or future in general. Could you explain your thoughts about that topic a bit more?

I also have to add that my feelings and thoughts have changed over time. Especially since i found someone who was really interested in listening to me in a personal manner, not judging me and giving the most helpful advice and perspectives in years (you of course).

Ed