Dear Sushmita:

The key sentence in your recent post is “He says… I have stopped myself from loving you which idk how do he has on and off switch”- He can turn that switch off.

At one point he told you: “No one will love me more than you….I am so happy that I am afraid I will not be able  to move on from this… if your family doesn’t agree”- he felt emotionally attached to you and was afraid that it will hurt him too much if your parents didn’t agree, so he came up with the solution: to cut off his emotional attachment to you (to turn off that switch).

He told you that “this comfort” (being with you) “is addicting and we can not talk till then” (until your parents agree)- to turn off the switch he needed to not spend time with you. He knew that physical distance helps a lot when it comes to turning off that switch.

He told you  that “he’ll consider this in future if parents agree… if parents agree we’ll talk“, and “We’ll see later“- this means that he is not invested in being with you/ marrying you. His attitude is casual:  if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t- it doesn’t.

“Should I ask him for the last time..?“- he already gave you his answer, and repeatedly: if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t- it doesn’t.

“I knew it will be hard for me but I knew I am going to try my best to convince my parents and I know they will be happy if I am Happy in the end“- On what evidence are you basing your trust that your parents will be happy if you are happy?

You shared that your father constantly blames you “for being the reason of misery“, that he told you “he’ll rather burn me if I die by suicide than consider this guy“. You shared that your mother told you the other day “that she is going to gather all relatives and get me beaten and that’ll fix my mind“, and you shared: “either ways my relationship with my parents and family is doomed… I don’t trust my parents with my life” – none of this is evidence that your parents will agree to this marriage because they care about you being Happy, is it?

“All I want to know is whether I should remind and ask him of what we started with or just let it be“- let it be, cut off the switch. He did it. Can you do it, little by little?

“How do I find peace with all these questions in my mind“- answer them one by one and accept the answers. Don’t resist and fight what is true/ that which you cannot change.

“How do people let go of people they once loved so easily?“- find the answer to this question by … letting go of him. To start this process, bring the thought into your mind that it is possible to let go of a man you once loved, and relax as you think this. Can you do that?

anita