I also wanted to note that legalizing the marriage did not push him away.  That was all he talked about. Us getting married and having the wedding and reception at his one friends very nice restaurant and she was all prepared in letting us use her establishment.  what pushed him away was that he told me he could not provide for me financially the way he wanted and he felt horrible about it and told me i deserve a better life with someone who can.   It was not family or friends i was finally told.  It was him who wanted to focus on his mma career and work more and more hours.   I had lashed out at him few times about coming home super late and not seeing him except on fridays and sundays .   Sometimes he would go out to work on sundays too .  I keep thinking about me lashing out at him about it pushed him away.  Then I am thinking maybe it wasn’t the reason why.  The real reason i think is because of his career, his trainer is in Florida where he wanted to move to.  But leaving me the way he did was very immature and cruel.  I am still confused, my heart is still heavy, and i still feel empty.  Him coming back to visit our city in a few weeks makes me feel anxious because I don’t know what to expect