Dear Sushmita:

“And the question that how I’ll react if she says, I’ll immediately stop her from saying that. I’ll talk to her before also not to say anything like that“-

– you have the power to tell your mother to say or not say whatever she wants to say?  “My mother said other day that she is going to gather all relatives and get me beaten and that’ll fix my mind“, you wrote not long ago. Saying this doesn’t indicate to me that she will be submissive to you.

“My family is very much dysfunctional. Where I am constantly blamed by my father for being the reason of misery and no property given to him by my grandfather… My parents do have issues. It’s 24/7 of fighting and blaming each other, using abusive words… My parents both of them never have same opinion on anything…I am just trying and trying to help them to move out from this village..  My mother also doesn’t want to live in this village“-

– if your mother leaves the village, will she not take her thoughts and feelings and behaviors with her wherever she goes? Is the same not true in regard to your father? And together, will they not take their dysfunction, constant blaming, misery, issues, fighting, blaming each other and using abusive words against each other.. with them, wherever they go?

In a way, the village lives inside your parents and so, they take the village with them wherever they go.

“They are not letting me leave this place… I feel like running away from everything… I don’t want to be one of the women who is filled with so much anger all the time and leave everything as it is, someone who never gets married …  Is this life all about, compromises sacrifices?? And then living with rage?… This weight on my chest, it just suffocates me… I know no easy Escape to this other than sleep, have been sleeping for days now”-

– being imprisoned in a Family, in a Jati (a caste or subcaste)-  you feel compromised, sacrificed, suffocated, angry and rageful. You want to run away but your only Escape is to sleep. In traditional Indian society a person is born into a Family and into a Jati and is IMPRISONED in each: no escape, no freedom.

In your first post regarding your boyfriend at the time, you wrote: “He wanted to part ways without me telling at home. But I was so Afraid of losing him and I so firmly believe in fighting for Love“-

– are you not Afraid of losing yourself if you continue to exist in this prison you found yourself in? Maybe you should fight for your individual freedom.

anita