Dear SantaFe:

Correction: A is a sibling, not a friend. “I’ve confronted my parents several times about this. Their repetitive response is that it’s me who (is) thinking negatively” – they are wrong. When you were a young child, you accurately perceived how your parents treated you and how they treated others. A young child does not have previous experience to distort their understanding of what is really happening.

This reminds me of my mother who attacked my thinking big time, and repeatedly, her message was that I was thinking wrong, that I didn’t understand, that I didn’t make sense… it was mental torture to grow up with these messages, especially it being that the one dishing out these messages was a disturbed person who didn’t make sense.

You mentioned yesterday having had “loads of therapy, self-reflection and distance…  now I’m older and wiser“, and 15 minutes ago, you wrote: “Somehow coming back home just makes all my wisdom.. go away“-

– I crossed continents and oceans so to get as far away from my mother as possible, and away from her I made a lot of progress, but every time I visited her, all the progress evaporated. Then away from her again, I made progress again, starting from scratch..  and next visit- it was all gone. After years of this dynamic, there was no more progress… until after I ended ALL contact with her.

anita