Hi Eric

Do you honestly believe that anyone deserves to be hit?

This is a form of self-abuse for you. Even in the previous message you are verbally abusing yourself by claiming that you deserve to be hit.

This is what domestic violence perpetrators sometimes say to their victims.

I would encourage you to wait until you are feeling calmer to reply. When you are able to think clearly and refrain from self-abuse. This is when you are going to be able to make progress.

I am not saying this because I wish to cease communication. On the contrary! I would love to continue this conversation. I just know from my own experience that it is near impossible to be kind to yourself while these feelings are still raw.

I have an idea for you regarding conversation practice. You write beautifully and visualisation is great technique that has a similar impact to performing the activity itself. Could you write about how you would have liked the conversation to go with this girl? Please only  do this when you are feeling calmer.

Have you tried yoga before? It is an excellent way to develop relaxation skills. Learning to properly relax could help you learn to better manage your anxiety.

I hope you take care of yourself in this vulnerable state. You deserve to take especially good care of yourself right now. What are your favourite treats or some comforting / distracting activities that you enjoy?