Dear Sushmita:

“My parents are talking about taking me to their home. That place suffocates me. I don’t even have my personal space everything around that place haunts me” (July 18, 2022), “Every second I am suffocating” (August 8, 2022).

No wonder you are still suffocating, living in the troubled and troubling home of your parents. Reading your update caused me to be interested in re-reading the beginning of this thread,  going back to January 12, 2017:

Niki (original poster), age 25,  living in India at the time, wrote this about her former boyfriend:  “We both belong to the same Caste, and same Sub-caste” and yet, his parents disapproved of the marriage, saying that they disapproved because they wanted her to quit her job and once married, stay home and not work: “they do not want an Independent woman, a woman earning even a single penny is a strict no no..  They wanted me to just sit at home and have fun“. She wrote about her former boyfriend: “He told them he can’t go against his parents and do not want to struggle for our relationship“. Niki then shared: “I always had self-esteem issues, I was always in fear his mom would not like me, because I have a dark skin…  every man here wants a woman who is fairer and prettier..  He liked and loved me and that was very important for me. He is gone now and with him, my only chance at love or being accepted …I just feel so much hopeless… I am just so much depressed!“.

But her parents, unlike yours, were reasonable and very supportive: “My parents sat with me a day before and were helping me out as to what I would like to do in my life now…  There are some plans my parents discussed with me for my future: 1. Moving abroad – I always wanted to study and work and settle abroad (USA/Canada)… 2. Moving to another city for Job here in India..“.

One month and 11 days after her first, original post, on March 8, 2017, she shared that her former boyfriend’s father called her uncle and “asked to reconsider as their son is in bad health and not able to move on.. asked for reconciliation, but terms are still the same- that I would quit my job after marriage and not work“.

Niki’s attitude: “the man is back in my life to wreak more havoc… I have to take a decision now… I have taken baby steps and started loving and respecting myself a little now. I still do not know what will my future hold, but I also have lost faith in him… I want whatever is good for me, whether it is marrying him or leaving him. I do not want to suffer for life in any case“.

Her behavior: “I poured my heart out to him in texts, stating everything I had been through, all the pain and hurt and everything. I also told him I am not able to trust him or believe him after what all he did. That day, a lot of heated discussions took place. I told him I need more time to think (It had only been 8-9 days that he came back)…I told him and pushed him a lot for what all he did, but I could not hold back my anger and hurt that time before“.

For about 10 days, Niki had let her former boyfriend know that she did not agree to his and his parents’ term that once married, she will no longer work, and she expressed to him a lot of her hurt, anger and mistrust. He then told her: “My priority is my family & their priority as you and also your uncle have been informed before, that you should not work after marriage. But I think that is not convincing to your family, thus let us finish this“.

She then told him that she “was ready to leave my job, to which he said ‘No please, it is too late now. And also, you do not trust me and your parents are also skeptical“.

He then blocked her. When her uncle texted her former boyfriend’s father, his father replied: “As per discussion of kids, it is going nowhere. so it is a NO from our side and my son is also not interested in Niki nor marrying her anymore. Request her and your family to not contact him from now on“.

Niki’s response: “I am beyond broken again, not knowing what to do…  I am full of regret of not saying Yes before he left, guilty that I spilled my hurt and pain to him that I took much time. I am literally blank… Either I am a fool or a I am stupid. I have not option, but now to live my life as it is. Everything is again back to zero. And he is again, nowhere“-  those were Niki’s last words on this thread, March 8, 2017.

Sushmita, what do you think about Niki’s story, about her reaction to her former boyfriend returning to her life wanting to marry her? I am very interested in your thoughts about her story.

anita