hi helcat,

first of all, thank you so much for responding again. your advice is resonating with me.

i don’t think i’m punishing myself for what i would’ve done if i didn’t stop myself because i i would’ve never taken it too far to the point of physical cheating even if drunk.

i guess i’m punishing myself because i feel i disappointed my partner and myself. and he has no idea about it so when he treats me as great as always, i feel so guilty. in a way, i feel my response isn’t proportional to what happened. it could’ve been so much worse. but i still regret everything that happened.

my partner and i also tell each other almost everything important. so i feel like i’m defrauding our relationship in a way and that brings me shame. but truly i know that telling him wouldn’t be the answer, he would be incredibly hurt and over something that meant nothing.

i need to find a way to forgive myself. i just hope that these feelings of guilt and shame fade with time…