Dear helcat,

Thank you for your response, and yes i’m feeling much better now….

Do you honestly believe that anyone deserves to be hit?

I honestly believe that i deserve that so that i wont make the same mistakes again…. and i have to find a solution for it….

That’s what i thought when i hit my head….

I am not saying this because I wish to cease communication. On the contrary! I would love to continue this conversation. I just know from my own experience that it is near impossible to be kind to yourself while these feelings are still raw.

I have an idea for you regarding conversation practice. You write beautifully and visualisation is great technique that has a similar impact to performing the activity itself. Could you write about how you would have liked the conversation to go with this girl? Please only  do this when you are feeling calmer.

Tbh if i can get close to her and be friends with her, i’d be more than happy…… When i met her that time, i want to ask her how’s she doing now? Because she attends the same uni as me…. i’d like to know what’s her job now……. And also discussing small talks like now the covid situation are much better in our city…..

But all of this doesnt come out from my mouth that time due to fear…..

Have you tried yoga before? It is an excellent way to develop relaxation skills. Learning to properly relax could help you learn to better manage your anxiety.

I hope you take care of yourself in this vulnerable state. You deserve to take especially good care of yourself right now. What are your favourite treats or some comforting / distracting activities that you enjoy?

Nope i haven’t tried yoga, but i went to the gym everyday now…. to improve this short body that i don’t like (i’m trying to accept it, and look for ways for me to conceal my short height (e.g. i wear tall shoes when i went out)) and also to reduce my overthinking by distracting myself to do workouts….. and it’s quite effective for me….

I also like the atmosphere in that gym because most of them are my father’s friends….. so i feel like they wont judge me and i feel safe…..

Most people in that gym also talk to each other and i really like that kind of vibe even if i dont talk to them (i do talk to them, but very little (mostly it’s due to them initiating first))….. i like the vibe because they are people who wont judge me and the atmosphere isnt lonely, whereas at home i usually feel very lonely….