@helcat,

you’ve made a great point. i definitely think you’re right in your analysis and i agree that my parents made a human mistake. i am indeed the first child and my relationship with my mother is very good. i think my parents just didn’t know how to cope with my adolescence so they did the best they could. it’s been helpful to look at this situation through that perspective and i see the similarities.

it’s certainly helpful to remember that i’ve been here before and moved on and that i will do so again.

i feel like the only thing that’s sort of holding me back now is this strange fear that my partner will somehow find out down the line and that’s very scary to me. i haven’t told anyone in my personal life and only my ex knows what went on. he also isn’t the type to say anything. in fact, he made a point to say our conversation had not been “malicious” in any way after the fact. this leads me to believe he wouldn’t say anything to my partner.

i feel so much better now and the guilt is disappearing and i’m moving on, but i’m still scared of this scenario. what do you think?