Hi Anita

We haven’t discussed that much, only less intense topics or subjects that I have previously discussed with my therapist. I have experienced multiple severe traumas in my life. This is why I have a C-PTSD diagnosis. I am less willing to discuss more traumatic incidents, I think that is understandable considering that many of these events are triggers. This conversation has been triggering for me.

You might have good intentions when you question people asking them if things really happened, but it is hurtful. It’s very similar to accusing them of lying. I would suggest you stop asking this question on the forum. It is understandable that you have concerns about truth on an anonymous forum, but it isn’t helpful to share that.

I have experienced issues with feeling powerless. I felt powerless as a child and at times as an adult. When I was raped, I felt powerless. When I was unable to walk for 6 months and felt like I was dying due to health issues, I felt powerless. I hated and blamed myself for being powerless. I did learn to stop hating myself for that though. What is an interesting pattern is that these were all times in my life that I felt suicidal.

I would say that to some extent pain does elicit feelings of powerlessness as I don’t have control over it. I have anxiety with situations that I am uncertain of what the outcome will be. A type of powerlessness perhaps? It doesn’t carry the same intensity of emotion though.

I don’t know how to make peace with feelings of powerlessness. For me, it is intrinsically tied  to severe trauma. It would be like, forgive the hyperbole “accepting the feeling of being raped”.

As always, thank you for your kindness. You have given me a lot to think about.

Wishing you good health and peace! Please let me know about how your trip to urgent care goes. I don’t need any details. I would just like to know if and when you are safe. 🙏