Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking and I came to the conclusion that I lack conscientious which is why I’m struggling so much. I decided to start practicing mindfulness through cleaning and organizing my living environment, focusing on the present moment and meditation.

I’ve been feeling a lot better and I’ve managed to quit smoking a couple of days ago. Everything was going great until last night.

I had people over and I drank too much. I’ve became much more responsible with alcohol than I was before, but I still manage to become influenced by the people around me if they’re drinking a lot.

When we left to go to the bars, I started feeling quite drunk. At the bar is when I realized that I was pretty intoxicated so I started drinking water. I’m proud of myself for this because in the past I would’ve kept drinking.

But for some reason no amount of water was helping me. It seemed that I was getting more intoxicated as the night went on. Eventually I went to a fast food joint to get some burgers and head home.

This is when things got bad. I felt really sick and I was throwing up in the toilet. I then decided to take a bath so I ran the tap and laid down in the tub. I guess it was the warmth of the water and my extreme fatigue, I fell asleep. When I awoke I turned off the tap and stepped out of the tub to head to bed. Except something was strange. The floor was flooded with water and it continued throughout my apartment.

At this moment I thought I was dreaming due to my state. So I went to bed. The morning after I had someone come by to clean up the water because it leaked down to the apartment below. Luckily, my building is concrete and the floor is vinyl, so the damage was minimal.

I told my friend and he said that I’m lucky to not have drowned. This is true. I’m lucky the damage wasn’t worse.

I’m just disappointed in myself for drinking so much and flooding my apartment. All that could’ve been avoided. But all I can do now is focus on moving past this. I’m hoping I learned from this and next time there’s company, I’ll control myself.

Other than this tragic event, my moods been much better and I can finally feel like I’m healing. Slowly but surely.