Dear Sadlyconfused:

You are very welcome and thank you for expressing your appreciation.

“I’m worried the damage might have already been done in this respect… It was only ruminating the day afterwards that I started to get insecure about it again“- unless you shared with your husband a whole lot about how troubled you were over the comment, he may not be aware of how troubled you were and for how long (he can’t read your mind or feel your emotions), and therefore, there may be no damage done.

“My insecurity stems from something entirely darker…  This other woman looks the opposite of me physically and is bubbly, chatty and funny…weirdly if the comment had been directed at someone more like me, I might not have been as bothered by it… It was a trigger“-

– no wonder you were so troubled by the comment. In my first reply I answered your question (“Am I too uptight?”), this way: “more uptight than I currently am, but less uptight than I used to be“. I used to get similarly triggered as a woman because I too grew up in a home where I was criticized a lot,  hated, really. I too walked on eggshells, bullied (mostly by my mother), and… I too had a “general quietness” about me. I was introverted, anxious and oh, so jealous of bubbly, outgoing girls: I so wished I was them, or like them. That childhood/ teenage jealousy carried into my adulthood.

Try to practice compassion toward yourself every time you get triggered this way, perhaps say to yourself something like: no wonder I get triggered. Anyone in my place, with my past experience, would get triggered this way… I suffered so much. I don’t want to suffer anymore. When you talk compassionately to yourself, you get motivated to no longer suffer unnecessarily simply because you don’t deserve to suffer.

Anytime you’d like to post, please do. I would love to read from you and reply whenever you choose to post.

anita