Hi Tee,

Yes looking at it from that point of view definitly helps. I have learned a whole lot this year and still learning. I know that when you nervous system gets dysregulated you can’t act apropiatly because your brain is only focused on keeping you safe. I know i still react (shut ting down, pushing people away) instead of responding (regulating myself before making any decisions).

I am slowly getting back to my baseline after the “date” i now i am noticing some details i think i missed then.

So after the session and a couple of hours of talking he went i think it’s time to go eat something, what are you doing for the rest of the day? I felt rejected like maybe he wanted me to leave. I said go home and eat as well. Then when we left the park we got to a street with lot’s of restaurants and he went you have to try a turkish restaurant one day (his familie is turkish) feeling down i replied I yeah maybe i will one day. He went like that one right across the street from us that’s turkish. Maybe it was his way of trying to get me to join them. Thinking on how he reacted the day he asked me to go to pub with him just the two of us. Back then he didn’t say hey wanna grab a beer. He asked so what’s your plans for tonight? (establishling that i was free) then he said oh I really cold beer would be good, I agreed (indicating i would be up for going some where) he didn’t ask me until right before we had to go our separate ways so maybe he was trying to get the courage to ask me?

Regarding the whole living in my capital. A month an A half ago he came up to me after work and got a beer he asked me if i could see myself living in other countries. Odd question to just ask a colleague (unless you like them and are moving a road) he also asked what my future plans were, which i replied staying here and then going to live in my capital. Sorry for the long post but the more i talk about it the better i feel.

Every time we came to a standstill my approach was to just go back to square one and talking like friends.