Dear Sadlyconfused,

I don’t think either that you are a bad woman wearing a mask of a good woman, or pretending to be a good woman, deceiving people. As people pleasers, we allow others to cross our boundaries. We are afraid to say No and be assertive. We are afraid to stand up for ourselves, even if the things we are required to do go against our wishes and our best interests. But we suppress our wishes, we suppress our anger too, and we do what is required of us, maybe even with a smile on our face, because we are afraid of rejection and criticism.

It is in that sense that I used the words “pretend” and “wear a mask”, because as people pleasers, we aren’t authentic. Not because we want to deceive others, but because we don’t want to be judged, and ultimately, we don’t want to be rejected.