Anita,

Thank you for being excited for me. And for reminding me that there is a possibility he might not respect my boundaries in the future after all. I though about it and I know it is possible that he will ridicule me saying for example “Can I talk for 15 seconds more or are you bored already?” I know it did not happen yet, but I have a strange feeling, knowing his being passive aggressive in the past, that probably it will be his response in a long run. I am trying to prepare for it. He can surprise me with something worse, though.

I read the article on the blog, thank you for sharing, I also found some other websites and trying to find out more. I started experimenting with tapping method.

I will be trying to be more brave with standing up for myself. Feels scary but also liberating.

It has been overwhelmed at work lately. Since I thought my coworkers may think I am dishonest, I get anxiety every day and feel like a fraud. Today I had the opportunity to briefly explain we are not friends anymore. One of the coworker said something about us 3 (Me, the guy who works here and a girl ) changing department (work is good here but we are not entirely happy about it so sometimes we talk about opportunities to move) and he said that it will be the most difficult for me because my friend will go crazy when he hears I want to leave (last year one girl decided to leave and he acted very rude, did not congratulate her in front of management, said he is not happy, nothing to be happy about – generally he acted really bad. It happened twice – also with the other girl earlier in 2021. He was friends with her but they do not speak anymore because of it. He also repeatedly “threatened me” that I cannot leave either. I say this in ” ” because he says it like a joke but … it is not). So I replied to them that my relationship with him is not friendly anymore and I do not think he would act this way if I leave and that I told him already I will probably change jobs in 2022. I know I should say more but I got nervous.

I still feel dishonest and do not like myself lately. Practicing long walks as well, sometimes it helps.