I would imagine that as a people pleaser, you weren’t actually easy– going, but that you pretended that you were happy to accommodate them and do whatever they asked of you, indeed if it went against your wishes. So you might have worn a mask of “ kindness ”, saying effects like “ sure, no problem, I ’ll do it ”, but underneath you felt miserable and presumably resentful too?

still, you started taking anti-depressants about 14 times alone ( one time into your relationship with your hubby), and you have been taking them for 12 times, If I’m counting right. In the last couple of times you have been weening off anti-depressants. This has caused problems in your marriage, since you could n’t feel anything for anyone, including your hubby. You also had heightened anxiety. You now can feel again and the communication with your hubby has bettered in the last 3- 4 months.
You have n’t told your hubby that you were weening offanti-depressants, which you now see as a big mistake because it would have explained your poor geste . Does your hubby now know that you ’re no longer takinganti-depressants? Does he support you in that decision?

You still cry when allowing about your mama , indeed if she failed 20 times alone . This tells me that the crack is still raw. I suppose it’s because a part of you( the child and teenager that you were) still feels helpless and affrighted at the study of living without your mama ’s protection, alone with your father, in an terrain full of abomination and atrocity. A part of you is still stuck in the history, and this is presumably the part that needs healing the most.
It’s great that in the last couple of times, you’re learning about trauma and getting better at tone– care. And that you ’ve made further progress in those 2 times than in the 12 times of being onanti-depressants. Are you attending remedy? Because I would assume that if one wants to ween off anti-depressants, one would need remedy to support that process

You said that once you started weening off, you ’ve educated loss of feelings – you couldn’t feel anything for anyone. perhaps this was a defensive medium – to cut off all feelings, so they wouldn’t overwhelm you?
Since you ’ve started this thread due to an issue with your hubby, I’m wondering about the dynamic between the two of you. From what you ’ve participated so far, he’s a decent man who has conducted “ out of character ” lately. You’re allowing that it was because he’d a crush on some girl online, since you weren’t emotionally available.