Dear Eric:

First, I am very impressed with you because you did so many things very well: (1) You carried on the first date very well, including the conversation, resulting in a good first date experience for you and for her, (2) You asked her for a 2nd date in an appropriate, effective and cute way (first asking her if she is willing to try unique vegetarian dishes, then asking her to try it on Sunday), (3) You’ve been  attentive to her and very creative (the gift, the notes, the good-morning texts in different languages, the funny videos). Like she said: you are indeed full of ideas!

Second, I am not surprised that you felt exhausted after the first date, and  that you’ve been feeling stressed, pressured, exhausted and overwhelmed ever since about initiating creative texts for her, fearing that you’ll run out of ideas to implement in the texts, overthinking ways to initiate conversations with her, fearing that someone will snatch her from you on one hand, and fearing to commit to her on the other hand, and fearing that her family will reject you.

I am not surprised because ever since we started communicating, you’ve been a very anxious young man, strongly inclined to worry and overthink about all possible negatives, focusing on the negatives. Being so very anxious is exhausting… for anyone! So no wonder you are exhausted.

It is important that you understand that she is not responsible for your stress level and exhaustion because you’ve been a very anxious individual way before you ever met her. From what you describe, she hasn’t behaved in any way that is inconsiderate, rude or demanding. The STRESS is inside you, it is not her fault.

When people feel very stressed, they are inclined to  feel angry at other people (who do not cause their stress) and blame them for their stress. Be careful to not do this in regard to this young woman.

You have the option to ask her to  initiate a text to you once or twice a day, let’s say. You also have the option to share with her a little bit about your anxiety and what you are anxious about: this can help your stress level to come down some, because you will not be keeping your thoughts and feelings all to yourself. Also, because this is not only your first dating experience, but her first dating experience as well, try to understand that she probably experiences some stress herself, feeling awkward too, not knowing what to say and do.

“I feel that sooner or later I need to confess to her and commit to the relationship. And I feel so much pressure in committing“- one step at a time, Eric. It is too soon to commit after a first date. Try to postpone thinking about commitment until 2013: keep the remaining of this year free of thoughts of committing to marry her.

You also have the option to see a medical professional/ psychotherapist so to LOWER your stress level, so that you are not overwhelmed with life in general and with dating in particular.

I will close this post with once again congratulating you on your first date: I am so glad to read how successful it was, and how successful you were arranging for a second date. Excellent job, Eric!

anita