Dear Addy:

I re-read your posts on both threads for the purpose of understanding your LDR-s better. Here are relevant quotes and my comments/ questions (you don’t owe me any answers, so please answer only if you feel comfortable answering):

“My 3 year long distance relationship didn’t worked out. I’m in another Long distance relationship.. And that voice inside is like doubtful this one would work out.. Even though it’s lot different than before..  I love her so much… I did built up kind of Insecure-avoidant attachment pattern which I’m still working on”-

– Insecure attachment is an umbrella term that describes people who experience high levels of anxiety in the context of relationships, not trusting their partner to meet their needs, and experiencing fear and uncertainty. Insecure-avoidant attachment is associated with avoiding intimacy. Well, Addy, carrying on  long-distance relationships with women you never met in-person is a way to avoid intimacy, and therefore, to lessen your anxiety.

“I’ve dealt with very Low self-esteem…..I’m mostly very critical of myself… when some gives me any physical compliment, I can’t accept without doubting or questioning myself“- being in long-distance relationships with women who never met you is a way to avoid being given the opposite of physical compliments: physical criticisms and perhaps insults.

“Sometimes I also put that pressure of being better on my girlfriend as well e.g. For eating, and sleeping healthy by being strict with her (LDR and time difference so you know)…  I feel like sometimes I force them to be better… She’s mostly complaining that I’m being hard on her“- sometimes you turn your inner criticism outward: criticizing your LDR girlfriend. The so called Inner Critic often turns into an Outer Critic, and back and forth. The two critics are like two sides of the same coin.

“As a child I’ve.. Always listened to my parents and Grandparents and (been) someone who is not very demanding. I’ve sacrificed for lot of things and never asked for it“- do you carry anger within you, for sacrificing and not asking for anything?

“Today in my interview Recruiter told me I’m really calm and friendly person (Somehow, I was able to accept this compliment – because I started to believe that long ago”– do you pay a heavy price for being really calm and friendly: suppressing anger perhaps, or suffering extra anxiety?

“I’m thinking about stepping back from my LDR that I talked to you about… (and) just have a good time with someone who’s near me?… I’m not afraid of IRL. I had IRL and I enjoyed it quite a lot“- if you’d like to share about your irl relationship experience, please do. (I am asking this question and all other questions because your answers will help me understand you better… and perhaps it will help you understand you better)

anita