Dear Addy:

Good afternoon (your time, is it?), Addy! I asked you in regard to you having a little boy, if you would criticize him the way your father criticized you, and you answered that you wouldn’t, and that you would be a different kind of father to your boy, a better kind.

“I want to break this pattern and start the healthier pattern because I’m aware of it and I’ll try my best for that“- break the pattern today and every day by not permitting your father to criticize you and target his anger at you. After all, a whole lot of the boy that you were is still there. Emotionally, you are still that boy, and underneath your adult style and almost-indifference to how your father treats you, there still is that hurt boy who cares, the boy whose love and trust was betrayed.

You wrote earlier: “my father is not able to aware… He’s just doesn’t have EQ that we have“- well, he is a civil engineer and he understands logic, right? Then educate him: tell him that when he criticizes you, he is hurting your productivity, and not helping at all. Tell him that you love him and you want to financially support him (and your mother) and therefore, you  need his help: to stop criticizing you and to stop directing his anger at you. In other words, tell him that you need him to be nice…. as nice as he is to some people in his life (there are such people, right? Neighbors, co-workers or supervisors at work?).

Or did you already educate him but he didn’t care to be educated by… whom he perceives to be inferior to him?

anita