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Reply To: Grandmother Struggling With Leaving State Where Grandson Lives

Home→Forums→Parenting→Grandmother Struggling With Leaving State Where Grandson Lives→Reply To: Grandmother Struggling With Leaving State Where Grandson Lives

October 29, 2022 at 12:11 pm #409308
Anonymous
Inactive
Anita — Thank you for your response, kind words, and question… I put a “D” in front of my responses.
“Your thoughts on my struggle. If I haven’t been clear, just ask. I don’t mind directness either. There’s a lot more to this matter but I’ll share if needed“- from your organized, well thought of the original post, I can see that you gave the topic a whole lot of thought, for a long time, you see the bigger picture and your thinking is balanced.
D—-Thank you. It has taken me a while to follow through but just my daughter reassuring me to do what makes me happy and that they’ll be okay helps me move forward. I almost moved to NH last month, had a lease and everything… then, on the day I was supposed to leave (the day after my Grandson’s birthday, I couldn’t do it).

You concluded the following: “I have to do what’s best for me… (I) know that taking care of myself benefits everyone involved in this matter“- reads logical and reasonable!

D—-Thank you for this. Sometimes it’s difficult to see our own bravery, insight, and ability to move forward (even if delayed)!

“I feel guilt and worry when I think of leaving LA… I have to do what’s best for me“- what’s best for you is not only not to get stuck in traffic ( (I know, I lived in LA most of my adult life), and to live in a quieter place, and to spend less money on living expenses .. and to not suffer from guilt. Can you elaborate on your guilt: what is it about?

D—-Thank you for your question…  Wish I thought to join this forum long ago. Chatting & writing about it helps a lot.

D—-I forgot to mention that I was a single parent (by choice) and a retired Veteran. Both play a role in who I am and what I do.

D—-The guilt (and concern) I feel stems from the following…

D—-What if my leaving makes my grandson sad? We spent a lot of time together for his first 2 years — I don’t want him to think I “left”.

D—-I feel quilt because I can’t get over (quickly enough) my preferences, quirks, sensitivity to noise & chaos, severe loneliness, and dislikes, in order to make this all work. My life-long battle with depression also contributes. I need solitude, space, and privacy. I am an HSP. I love cities but not full-time. I could handle them when younger and have lived in various countries and states. I am fearful of sharing all of my feelings with anyone.  Wow – I didn’t realize all that until I wrote it. This is a big one and affects many areas of my life.

D—-I worry about possible emergencies arising and my daughter needing help (even though I know she has a good network here and her Dad is within 2 hrs).

D—-I would say — the need to help and possibly control (with good intentions) is part of it. I was raised in a very large, Italian family with more females than males. We are always helping, we get things done, and yes, we often provide advice (unsolicited most often and with good intentions).

D—-I will miss them. I will visit… for me, short visits are better. Ah, ha. One of my “ways”.

That’s all that comes up for now… Thank you again.