Dear thosedays:

“All this while, we matched almost every aspect of life. The relationship works fine, I loved the peacefulness. Except after years of trying (2 years relationship), I still can’t find she is my type“-

-One’s type does not mean a good match, it means that something about the person (one’s type) awakens a feeling in a man, a longing, an excitement… something from long ago, like the way a child feels happy seeing the green grass and sun shining, it all feels so new and exciting. I personally know a man your age whose type has led him to a series of failed relationships, failure after failure, and yet, he keeps searching for his type, ending up alone.

“I came to the realization that I can’t force myself to love a person no matter how perfect the person is”- but you don’t have to force yourself to appreciate and respect her, do you? I value genuine appreciation and respect way more than I value the automatic, subconscious feelings involved with one’s type.

“I don’t understand myself nor who to love“- if a man’s type happens to be a good match, then excellent. If a man’s type happens to be a mismatch, then if a man pursues his type forevermore, he is doomed. If this is the case, better let go of type, and focus on love as deep, genuine appreciation and respect.

Back to the man I know irl: his type is a bossy woman, that’s the type of woman that wakes up his passion, his excitement, his desire.. but he ends up suffering each time. Should he keep going after his type, or should he… consider a woman who is a good match for him: what do you think?

“Should I not look into whether she is my type but rather focus on her gf/wifey material, or I have to keep searching?“- if you want to get married and your type is not a wife material. better look for a wife material. And if you found it in your girlfriend, then.. there it is.

“I know many of you may tell me to be honest with her“- be honest with yourself: are you willing and able to be faithful to a woman who is a good match for you, even though she is not your type? If you are and you can, don’t tell her that she is not your type- that will hurt her feelings. Tell her that she is your idea or ideal of a wife-material, she would like to hear that very much, I imagine.

anita