Dear Katrine,

I want to add something to my last post, because I am sensing not just insincerity from that colleague, but also that she doesn’t really care about you. So I am expanding this sentence from my previous post:

If she promised to help you, or was encouraging you to approach him, and then a few days later didn’t invite you to go to drinks with the rest of the group – that’s insincere AND shows that she doesn’t care about you.

When they talk about him and his birthday party while you can hear them – that’s very inconsiderate too. (btw does this happen when they are drunk or sober?) Pretending they are on your side, rooting for you to get together with him, and then disregarding your feelings just a short while later!

No wonder you feel that “it’s not just that people hurt me but that nobody seem to care that they hurt me.”

These particular girls don’t seem to care about you and they don’t seem to care if they hurt you. And because of that, I think you should stop hanging around with them and confiding in them.

I struggle a lot with trust.

I think you shouldn’t trust these girls!

However, it doesn’t mean that EVERYONE is like that – uncaring, selfish, disregards your feelings. There are people who do care and are true friends, but maybe you still haven’t met them.

In your childhood, you concluded that your parents don’t care about you, because of their failure to protect you. You also concluded that you’re not important, that you’re less worthy than others.

These became your core false beliefs: “I am not important”, “Nobody cares about me”, “I am unworthy”.

And now, you seem to be playing out this same narrative with these co-workers of yours. You are hoping that they’d care about you, but they don’t. They don’t care too much when they’re sober either, but they care even less when they’re drunk. And each time you interact with them, your childhood wound gets reopened. You feel again and again how worthless you are, and how nobody cares about you. Your false core belief is reaffirmed each time you interact with them and expect something from them.

Once you heal this childhood wound, you’ll be able to distance yourself from them and not expect anything from them. You’ll be able to find another company, in which you’ll feel more cared for and respected.