Dear Anita.

Hope you still have power.

You are so kind and an amazing!  What are you?  I wish I have you next by me.  I wish I have a friend like you.  Listen me, cheer me up and teach me., etc.

No one knows except him though why he is talking nicely via email but stubbing me my back?
I did not say anything so he doesn’t know I have change my mind our reconcile relationship but if he doesn’t want to, why he did not say so?
His last reply said “It’s hard to realize how things bring us to certain places. I see you reaching out and I’m not avoiding you but will call you when the time is right. Ok? “.
Am I wrong this meaning as he doesn’t want to reconcile our relationship?  If so, why he says will call you when the time is right….
If, only if I still wanted to reconcile our relationship, I have to wait until he contact me then he dump me, broken my heart again? He wants to give me a huge damage?
I have very hard time to understand “gray” answer from anyone.

I just wanted to understand what he wants from me?  If he wants to me disappered from him, give me back my belonginigs and tell me whatever he wants to say, I will be gone.
I feel like he is playing with my feeling and controlling me whatever he wants to do now.

Another reason, I do not say anthing to him.
He could complete ignore me or block me then I could not have my belonginigs.  Or He may say he doesn’t have vinyl.  Of course, I cannot visit his house without permission.
Yes, I’m very chicken but I do not make him upset.  Emotionally, I cannot take it and also, I’m afraid of he won’t return my vinyl. It’s possible…

All my fault.  I choose him into my life.  Since his family member told me the story, I should disappeard, I have problems, no one loves me…. I cannot remove negative words from my heads.  I won’t hurt myself but I’m at the edge of the cliff now.