Dear Kaya:

Good morning to you, Kaya. It is normal to feel anger (even hate, which is intense anger) at someone who hurts you.

“Forgiveness…. how and why?“- depends on what you mean by forgiveness. If you mean to be okay with him having abused you, that’s not what I will aim at in the quest of forgiveness. What I will aim at is to no longer submit to him: instead of waiting for him to call you with whatever he has in mind, whenever he wants to, you call him and tell him confidently and in no uncertain terms that you decided that the relationship is over, and then tell him that you are ready to exchange belongings in the next week. Tell him that if he does not respond regarding the exchange, you will not wait further and donate or throw away his belongings when the week is over,  and no longer expect your belongings back.

“I need to practice how to remove this nasty anger, hated feeling from me. I won’t but I wanted to take revenge (not sure how…) and/or hurt him… “- it is anger-producing to submit (to be passive and allow the other person to control you), particularly when the other person does not have your best interest at heart and more so, when the other person is abusive. You have to stand straight with your head held high and take control of your life: you decide that the relationship is over and let him know!

Courage is doing what’s right in spite of the fear. After a day of courage, you are likely to sleep well at night…

anita