Dear Anita

i`m so so sorry for misunderstanding it .

you know my style is different i can`t describe the scenes that happened to me with a lot of details maybe because i blocked them because the events made me sad and angry. but i can describe how i felt exactly

for example when i was in high school , something happened. i dont remember what exactly , but i know the reaction of my family was not proportional to the situation , that was awful ,i remember my mom was so angry and my brother told her why you bring her (me)in this world after all !!! they were brutal , i remember my dad was not exactly defending me but wasnot as aggressive as them , i cried for hours , and i had a puffy face next morning when i went to school and my friend noticed and ask me about that i didnt say anything to her , now that i look back i think i believed them and that situation make me so miserable, i felt worthless  but not completely , i think even in that time i realized something is not right about the reaction , i could forgive my mom more easily but my brother was so cruel , actually he is not changed that much

now that i look back if i could talk to my mom i would say you F up , what kind of mother would say that , do you think blaming me and some how separating yourself from me because of  my imperfections makes you a superior person and good mother ????

i think seeing that kind of cold behavior from my mother  made myself insensitive  and cold to others too , i realized a lot of stuff i say to people is too direct and hurtful and i didn`t consider  their reasoning behind their behavior and i was selfish