Dear anita,

what  specifically will you say to her when you confess?

= im planning to surprise her with a flower and confess to her in the car, where we mostly have our deep conversation….

I’d like to express my feelings that im grateful that i’ve met her and day by day i keep missing her whenever i dont meet her… and i’d like to increase our relationship to the next step….

I think that what you mean by this is that if you marry her, you will never have an ex-girlfriend, and you want to have the experience of having an ex-girlfriend. Did I understand correctly?

= No, what i meant is that i dont want to have an ex-girlfriend…. And if im in a relationship with her…. If something goes wrong and both decides to separate…. I might have an ex….. i dont want it…… That’s why i need to be sure of this relationship with her…..

it reads to me that you are suspicious of her, suspicious that while she is dating you, she is planning on going  back to her old crush (based only on the one comment she made, which you shared about). Do I understand correctly? And if so, do you feel angry at her sometimes?

= Yes, and i’d feel disappointed if i think about it….. i’m also worried that she wants to be in a relationship with me only because she’s now “ready to try” and not because she genuinely think of a future with me….

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I’d also like to write about my yesterday’s call with her…..

Idk why but i feel disappointed when its only a few days before i confess…..

She keeps asking me how do i act if im angry? Also what if in the future both of us could be in LDR? Like anything could happen… as she’ve seen many couples in a relationship for many years but in the end, fate says otherwise and they separated…. And end up marrying another person…..

Also because her sister are now in a relationship with her boyfriend, that her sister cried at the airport everytime her boyfriend had to go back….

She also told me that both of us are inexperienced and she doesnt know how will her personality be if she’s in a relationship later on…… She also asked me if i saw her bad attitude, will i leave her?

She also asked will we stay friends if we decide to break up in a relationship?

Will i leave her if she becomes fat later on? Because there are guys who leave their girlfriend when their appearance fades away….

Why is she being so pessimistic? It ruins my happy mood when its only a few days before i confess to her…..

Why cant we just discuss everything happily…..

She also told me that most of the time she drives her car and at class in her uni, she’d think of me…. Like she misses me…. She never misses someone like this before…..

She also told me she’s happy that she met me this year… like she’s grateful… and tbh when she said that i suddenly shed tears (but she didnt knew about it)…. Like someone really said that about me? Grateful meeting me? It’s unbelievable….

And i also told her, that i’ll be on holiday with my family on christmas eve and i want to meet her before i leave my city… she told me “yes, we definitely have to meet”….
I told her that i might shed tears later on (because im still in the mood, that she told me she’s grateful)… then she laughed and said pls dont cry, i might feel sad too later on…..

like how can she laugh?
I thought i can express my emotion totally to her, because i easily get emotional if i care deeply about that person…… Just like how i cried for my ex-crush (although right now i regret crying for her)

She also told me she doesnt know what to do if she’s in a relationship later on, should she post it on social media? But she’s not sure whether she should tell about her relationship publicly…..

I thought i can prepare my confession calmly, but everything she said in the call yesterday… makes me down….
Because on every date i keep trying to make her feel special, to make her not bored being with me, giving her little surprises…. But then she’s still pessimistic…