Dear Kaya:

Good to read that you felt better after your first session with your new therapist. I hope that future sessions with him will be productive and very helpful to you.

Yesterday, you visited your ex, had tea and a chat with him, gave him his winter tires and he gave you some of your winter clothes, refusing to give you back more of your belongings. He then said that he will prepare some snacks next time you visit, and then he said “ask someone else to make your snacks“.

You wrote: “He did not kiss me (thanks!) but gave me huge hugs“- it is as if it is up to him whether you receive a kiss or a hug: he decides, you passively receive.

“Seems like he is a victim of this relationship. I do not understand… He doesn’t like or agree with anything I do and is mad at me“- I understand that a victim in a  relationship is the one who passively receives whatever the other chooses to give: be it a rude comment (about the snacks), only some of your belongings, or his ongoing anger and criticism.

“He also upset me I said I will go to a friend’s house tonight…“- I didn’t understand: what is the upsetting thing he said in regard to your visit to a friend?

“Anyway, after today’s meeting, I became much stronger than before…  I do not need my belongings anymore. I’m done.  I cannot talk to him anymore… Finally, became strong and say goodbye to him. Wish me luck for tomorrow and I will be back here tomorrow afternoon“- congratulations for becoming stronger than you were before: it is all about progress, and no progress is too small. I do wish you luck and hope to read from you soon.

anita