Dear Addy,

[Tee] In fact, there is a step before that: In order to validate another person’s pain, we need to first be in touch with our own pain and validate our pain. We can’t be empathetic with others unless we feel empathy for ourselves first.

[Addy] But I couldn’t understand this. What if we didn’t have the similar pain or experience?

Hm, I think that we don’t actually have to have a similar type of experience (a similar wounding) to understand someone else’s pain. My pain can come from e.g. being criticized, and someone else’s pain can come from being neglected – from their parent not paying attention to them. But the inner feeling of pain is similar: feeling unloved, uncared for, unsupported…

Maybe it can be compared to physical pain: I can empathize with someone who has broken their leg, even tough I myself have never broken a limb. But I can imagine how hard it is for them, and I have experienced other types of physical pain, so I can relate.

I don’t know if this explains it?