I can’t thank you all enough for your feedback. I feel like angels are chiming in for me. I’ve spoken to family about this but they’re admittedly biased so it’s immensely helpful to get feedback from a neutral source.
to answer your question on why I married so quickly – I was in a very bad place when I decided to marry him. I had divorced a year before that to a man that I was with for 20 years. He and I really just grew apart and I fell out of love with him. When that happened I let fear of what to do next overtake me as all I’d known since I was 22 was being in love with him. So instead of facing my truth, I crawled under a rock and started having an affair. It was by far the most dark worst period of my life. It of course led to my divorce and after that I spent the following year just making wreckless choices and very lost. By the time my current husband and I went out on our first date, I was desperate to be happy. Yes he was a charmer from the start – I’ve never heard the term love bomb but that’s exactly what he did. And I fell for it.
On the flip side, I was not open about my past with him when we married. I didn’t tell him about my affair. I had ended that affair and regretted every second and to me it was personal and something I knew I would never do again so I didn’t feel it necessary to “announce” it. I simply wanted to just shed the bad and start new. But I did mischaracterize myself to him in that I told him I spent the prior year after my divorce being low key when in fact I was really reckless.
so after about a year into this current marriage, my current husband started snooping, broke into my email , computer and dug up information about my past. So I begrudgingly told him all the details of my ugly few years before him and it was awful. I personally entered into counseling amx that’s when I really started to heal. I also took very aggressive personal steps to revive spirituality into my life which has been my true savior. I spent that next year making every effort to improve myself and I’m proud to say I did it. In the meantime, my current husband was angry, bitter, cruel, belittled me and called me names, etc – was not at all involved in my betterment even when I tried to get him involved.
I have a close friend who knows all the details of my past and she stated that while he has a right to feel somewhat betrayed, that his extreme response to something I did before him is unreasonable. I tend to agree but he’s been such a master at making me feel like such a low person and bad guy that I’ve questioned this.
Hes spent the last 3 years in a place of resentment, anger and guilting me even though I’ve clearly improved myself and grown personally. With the risk of sounding silly, I’m truly a model spouse – I’ve been patient with him, loving, and humble but he’s given me no credit or support.
I just wanted you to know the whole story as I didn’t feel it would be fair to leave that out.