dear Anita

did you really think im gonna judge you for what your mom said ?give me some credit . i know better than most people what our parents did or were is not our fault . i admit i judged people based on that in the past , but based on my experiences and what you shared so far here , there is no way im gonna judge you because of it and i appreciate your bravery to share it here , i know it`s very scary to be vulnerable when we were raised with that kind of parents we had.

she was sitting in the apartment that night waiting for me, angry, and thinking how to hurt me best when I return, what words will hurt me the most. that reminds me of my dad , he was also there to ruin every momentum i got and made it about himself , he was more covert though and passive aggressive , he showed very overtly favorism toward me in front of my siblings , sometimes i feel like he did it because he knew his behavior made the relationship between me and them even worse and he discarded me in front of his wife because apparently she could make his life miserable and he was also delivering shame to me , that im not good enough and im disposable , i truly believed he did it on purpose specially in siblings situation  i m wondering what is your opinion about it ? he also told me as i once shared i should help my sibling keep their s*** together , its like i wasn`t suppose to have a life of my own , i was like a wife to her and a mom to my siblings ?

 I think that she had that smile at that night, and with that smiled, satisfied, she went t bed. i saw that sardonic smile in my dad`s too , when he was trying to get a reaction from us and succeeded about my mom too less than my dad though , maybe because of limited amount of time i had with her , i just wanted to add , my mom in others eyes were humble , shy and very very kind , the irony ?

farnaz