Dear Arie1276:

I am glad to read from you again, welcome back to your thread.

“We reunited on August 19th, 2022… We got our marriage license and we (went) on Sept. 6th, 2022 in front of a judge“- C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S !

A bit of history and update: you met him for the very first time on April 1, 2022. At about April 15, the two of you had a Nikah ceremony performed (a marriage under Islamic law, not under U.S. law) . He moved into your apartment sometime in April 2022, and he moved out on June 9, 2022, taking the signed Nikah ceremony paper with him. He then blocked you from contacting him. On July 7, 2022, you sent him a message in the only place where he didn’t block you, and you started communicating again. You learned that he was living in Florida. On August 19, 2022 the two of you reunited in the state where you live, and the two of you found an apartment together. On September 6, 2022 the two of you went in front of a judge and got legally married. You set a date- Sept 26, 2022– for a wedding dinner in a nice restaurant for the two of you, his friends and your family.

“Now here is  or was a problem that I did not like..“- you found out the day of the dinner that one of his friends who was to attend the wedding dinner was a divorced mother who lives in another state. During the dinner, your husband greeted guests outside the restaurant, as is the custom in his Muslim culture, and his woman friend stood next to him greeting guests alongside him while you attended the guests inside the restaurant.

I have two question: (1) Before and during the wedding dinner, outside the restaurant: was it only your husband and his female guest greeting the other guests, or was it your husband and all his friends greeting each other? (2) Do you know if it is the Muslim custom for the husband and wife to greet guests outside a restaurant, or is the custom that only the husband greets guests?

If it was only your husband and this one female guest greeting all the other guests, then you rightfully asserted yourself when you told her: “Who do you think you are standing out here with my husband when I should be here? Who’s wedding dinner is this?  Yours or mine sweetheart?“-  a bit rough but again, if she alone stood by your husband greeting guests, she had no business doing that: it was not her guests and not her party!

Next, “We cut our cake, danced, took pictures and she stayed away“. The next morning, alone in the car with her, “She puts her hand on my shoulder and said she and my husband are just friends and for me not to be jealous. I said oh no, I’m not jealous. I just protect what is mine and for her to take her hand off my shoulder.  I told her I did not appreciate anything about what happened at our dinner“- a bit rough, but again, I can’t get the image of her alone greeting your guests alongside your husband outside the restaurant:  if that was the case, it was a crude and rude behavior on her part, and it was crude and rude on your husband’s part to allow it!

“I asked him to delete and block her from everything. So when  we got home. He handed me his phone and I did just that.  I deleted and blocked her from everything , including every social media and emails… So few months passed. I had access to his phone. I went in one night while he was asleep and deleted all these old texts from women before me and blocked all of them and deleted their numbers… Am I being over dramatic?.. Do I talk to him about how I feel?“- Normally, I’d say it’s wrong to do what you did when you deleted his phone records when he slept, but in this case, I don’t know because I have no idea what’s going on in his mind: how he thinks, what he values and believes in.. etc. The two of you have a language barrier and you don’t talk enough, as I understand it, so I don’t know if you adequately know how he thinks, what he believes in and what he values. Do you?

anita