Dear Tee,
How are you? Recovered from Covid?

The video is on youtube and is titled “Using Empathy to Fuel Trust“.

Thanks for sharing I’ll watch the video and let you know. Also I want to let you know nowadays I’m being more mindful about being empathic which does making me feel better.

something you expect from her, which she isn’t fulfilling. The question is a) is it a reasonable expectation, and b) have you communicated it with her? Because she might be doing something innocent, but it is triggering your childhood wound and you feel similarly like you did in your childhood, and you want it to go away. But it’s not really your girlfriend’s fault, but your own unresolved issues.

That’s right but reasonable expectation or not I don’t want to get angry or disappointed. More like in serene state like I shouldn’t have problems with her actions, and I just have to see my reactions. and I can communicate first but If still she’s not able to understand then well we don’t need to continue doing the same spirals.

This might change, but for now, it’s still scary.

I want to change it. Yes

Alright, so you’re saying that you knew it was wrong, both your father’s and your mother’s behavior, already when you were a child? So you weren’t blaming yourself for your father’s verbal abuse and your mother’s blaming you if you lost your temper?

Hmm so I knew they’re wrong yet still I blame myself sometimes. but you’re right it’s the self-critic

You as the adult Addy would need to get in touch with that child and tell him he’s not to blame. That there’s nothing wrong with him. You, the adult Addy, need to show him love and compassion that neither of your parents showed to you as a child. You need to be a good and loving parent to that boy – that’s how you will heal those childhood wounds. As I said, best do it in therapy.

Right and I did started practice (Mostly via sitting and imagination) that but because I didn’t do that before I don’t know how to do that progress of loving my inner child and being compassionate with him

Once you heal those core wounds (e.g. the wound of not being good enough), you’ll have a different relationship with yourself. You won’t blame yourself any longer, you’ll respect yourself more. And you won’t allow your parents to treat you with disrespect either. You’ll be able to set some basic rules for communication with them, so they cannot treat you the way they have been treating you all your life.

I totally agree I’m hope I’ll be able heal those core wounds of mine.