Dear Hello:

I am glad that you are finding it therapeutic to just type things out here, and I hope that it continues to be so for you. It is now 10 days till the day after Christmas, the day you are planning to pack your things.

“My current husband (that I’m divorcing) is still largely in denial and trying to woo his way out of this“- I suspect that it is not that he is in denial, but that he is hoping that you will be in denial. I am guessing that he knows, just as I know, that people, women included, tend to close their eyes to what is inconvenient to see, and that people who already opened their eyes to the truth, tend to… close their eyes later on. One of Churchill’s famous saying comes to mind (true to men and to women and in different contexts): “Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened”. Please keep your eyes wide open for the next 10 days.

“He went so far to tell me that his first wife was ‘fine’ with it and knew it was going on and that it was justified because he was lonely in the marriage and his first wife had ‘checked out’. I confirmed yesterday that in fact his first wife did not approve of it…  I’d love feedback on this as to me this is a huge deception“- it is very likely that he’ll lie just as much about you and the marriage with you when he realizes that his wooing failed to … close your eyes to the truth. Expect it.

“I don’t plan on bringing this up with him right now as it’s the holidays and I’ve got to focus on the kids. But when I’m moved out I plan to tell him at the right time“- you can bring it up when it’s safe to do so, but I don’t think that as a result he will admit to anything,  feel shame, guilt and/ or consider correcting his ways.

Please post again anytime!

anita