Dear anita,

Happy New Year !

Thank you for helping me throughout 2022….

May this new year bring you happiness, peace and prosperity !

Here i’m going to reply to your threads:

yes, I do.

= turns out you are right, i’m overthinking things…. she didnt intentionally reply me late that time…. she was really busy that she’s stressed so she cant reply me fast…..

Yesterday i went out with her (she’s still in her holiday period now after exams) and this time it’s different from that time, she acts normally and is very loving towards me like usual…. But at that stressed period of hers, she really acts very very differently, like i dont feel any attention from her…

 guess it can be every day because she told you that this is her exam period, so she is stressed, and she is busy studying

= yes, right now her exam period has ended… and she will start a new semester soon… maybe next week… in this new semester she’ll be more busy because she’ll have to focus on doing her thesis till she ends her uni…. if i’m not mistaken she will graduate her uni next year….

 do you know what she means by “clingy”: what specific clingy behaviors on your part does she like?

= like she likes if i contact her on a regular basis like texting her everyday……, Because i used to ask her… am i disturbing her by texting her everyday, and she told me she likes it that way, she likes it if i contact her daily… but she told me to that if she’s busy she might reply late….

she also likes if i hold her hands and hug her every time we meet each other on our dates…..

there is lots of information online about Anxious Attachment Style in relationships, which is clearly your style. From  very well health. com/ anxious attachment (I am adding the boldface and italicized features): “You might have an anxious attachment style if you *Worry a lot about being rejected or abandoned by your partner, *Frequently try to please and gain approval from your partner, *Fear of infidelity and abandonment…  *Overly fixate on the relationship and your partner to the point where it consumes much of your life, *Constantly need attention and reassurance from others, *Feel threatened, panicked, angry, jealous, or worried that your partner no longer wants you when you spend time apart or do not hear from them for what most would consider a reasonable amount of time… , *Overreact to things that you see as being a threat to the relationship.

You can read about your attachment style, including the suggestions in regard to what you can do to help yourself feel better and function better in the relationship. The same website I mentioned reads: “Coping With Anxious Attachment: While anxious attachment can be challenging, having a healthy relationship is possible no matter what attachment style you have, if you use the right strategies for coping. Short term strategies include… Long term strategies include… “.

There are also books and workbooks on overcoming the anxious attachment style. One workbook is called “The Attachment Theory Workbook“. Another workbook that can help you a lot is called “The Mindfulness Workbook For Anxiety“.

= Yes you are right, it is definitely my style….. i have that anxious attachment style…. I’m reading tips on how to reduce it…. but tbh every time i learn, i usually learn best through experience…..

Like when i realize at that time im overthinking things that she intentionally replies me late…. i want to make sure myself i wont act angry like that again…. but still that habit will still exist, like i will still overthink if she replies late, it’s just that i can think more positively now than before…..

Yesterday she told me there is another guy who text her, and he ask her out….. but she told me she replies that guy late… and just replies him with a short sentence in a cold way…. as she doesnt want to be with him, she wants to be with me…. Tbh i feel really grateful when she wants to be with me instead of that guy and other guys that chase her, like i’d never thought someone would choose me….. i’m pretty sure most of those guys are more manlier and taller than me….

I still do overthink on these matters, but i can control it better now…. Because before i chase her i never thought there’d be many guys that would chase her, turns out there is a lot….. But i really love her, and i have to bear with it…. although it’s painful to me…..

I know u said that there are guys who feel happy that if the girl has options but still choose them, but it’s hard for me to feel joy if there are potential rivals…. every time i heard there is a potential rival…. i wanna hurry and cover my weaknesses….

I feel like i’m not too manly, like i always keep asking her “what do u wanna have for dinner today”… and she always answered “anything is fine, i’ll follow”….. like i need to be the man and decide for her, not asking her…. I need to get rid of this habit and be a leader to her…… Because she once told me she wants a guy who she can rely on…..

Also i dont have a specific hobby…..  I feel like i need to be a leader for her and be the one who introduce her lots of activities and not meeting her only for dinner…..

Like she has friends who invites her to play shooting range…. I feel like i should be like that, but the reality is that i cant play those and i cant be a role model who’ll teach her to play that…..

I still do gym, i think this is the only “manly thing” i do…. but i always get exhausted there earlier than anyone, also i’m always lazy to go to the gym….. If i’m good at gym maybe i can invite her to work out together, but the reality is that i cant as im not good at it…. I dont wanna be a boring guy that she cant rely on….. Even her little brother who’s in high school plays basketball and hangs out with her friends…..

Should i start being more diligent now? Like before i get compared with other guys, i should hurry and cover my weak spots….

Also i feel like i need to be able to think more “intelligently”, like i need to think in a bigger scale and not only to focus on a corner (the negatives)

I rarely hang out with anyone, as i have little friends … and im too accustomed with being isolated (being alone)….

I also still think about the guy that her aunt suggests, like i keep imagining “what if im a few months late, maybe that guy will chase first”….. Do u think its pointless for me to think like this?

Also one thing i noticed when im on holiday few days ago is that i didnt feel isolated like in my daily life… Because in that trip there are 12 people…. my family, with my aunt’s family and my mom’s friend family….. and for a whole week we always went together and keep talking…. i never felt like that in my daily life, i feel happy that my surroundings are not quiet and because there are much things to do (sightseeing, eating, google maps along the way) and people to talk to (like my cousins) i overthink less…… And now im back from holidays, im back to my isolated routine…… Well it’s not that im overthinking now, it’s just that i prefer being in a not-quiet environment with people i enjoy and connect with…