Dear Katrine,

it’s so good to hear that you had a pleasant, calm New Year’s Eve.

Well there wasn’t any need for me to be nervous since it was just me, X, Y and the new girl that I had a coffee date with. Two of the boys from work ended up not joining because of their work schedule, and the cute guy didn’t come cuz he knew that if he started drinking he wouldn’t stop and the girls and him and one of his friends were gonna go to a rave party the next morning so it was a very calm New Years’ Eve party.

This sounds perfect to me – peaceful, not too loud and relaxed – something I myself prefer. Did you feel good? Did the girls know it was also your birthday that day?

I have been staying for a drink after work a couple of times talking to whoever collegues are there and will keep up doing it. I’m only staying for an hour or so so I can still get my rest (have been working ten days in a row) but being social for even just a little bit is doing me good.

Great! You’re practicing being social, however not exhausting yourself but doing it in moderation. Excellent approach!

I am also glad that your anxiety didn’t go up too much around the guy you like. And that he did nod to you – meaning he has acknowledged you and wasn’t rude/weird, as he sometimes is with you.

As for his birthday, you said “He wasn’t in any obligated to invite me even if I invited him to my place.” — well, it’s customary and polite to return the invitation, i.e. to reciprocate. You invited him to your birthday party (and he came), so he could have invited you to his. But I don’t remember now – was his birthday party after you confessed to him that you like him? Maybe he didn’t invite you since it would have felt awkward?

Anyway, I just wanted to say that it is customary to return the invitation, so under normal circumstances, he would have been almost “obliged” to invite you. But in this case, if his birthday was after your confession, I can understand why he didn’t invite you…

Writing and reading the past couple of posts about my sister makes me realise that my very strong reaction in regards to not being invited to the guys birthday party isn’t so weird at all. I’ve felt very ashamed of reacting that strongly emotionally to not being invited cuz I didn’t feel I had a right to do so. … But I can now show myself more self compassion of my reactions because now I think that it totally makes sense since they were my primary group and I felt excluded.

Right, for you it felt like a similar rejection and betrayal. You weren’t even so hurt that he rejected you as a girlfriend, but it was more that you felt excluded from the friends circle, right? When he invited them and excluded you, it reminded you of being excluded and betrayed by your sister and your former friend. Which left you feeling alone and unwanted, and believing that you’re a bad person. Am I interpreting this right?

Luckily, you’ve later realized that X and Y actually do like you, that they don’t talk behind your back like your sister did, and don’t play games. They’ve proven themselves to be solid friends, whom you can trust. They are safe people – they won’t hurt you on purpose. And I am glad that you’ve formed a friends circle with them, independent of the guy you like, so you can enjoy their company without worrying about what he will do and how he’ll treat you.

I will definitly spend a minimum time with my sister, it’s better for my health. Luckly with my nephew there’s something to talk about to keep focus away from me and my life which is probably better.

Yes, good that you’re trying to minimize the time spent with your sister. The less contact, the better. And yes, talking about your nephew seems like a neutral topic. Whatever you do, don’t confide in your sister, keep your problems (e.g. love troubles) private, because whatever weakness or vulnerability you share with her, she might use it against you later. So give her as little material as possible to harm you.

A huge thank you to you and Tee, I have made so much progress that I wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for you guys. Words cannot explain how grateful I am, as I am continuing this journey of healing.

I am so happy for you, Katrine. You did make an amazing progress and you’re continuing to do so. Wishing you all the best in your journey ahead!