Dear Katrine,

I am glad to hear that X and Y weren’t high the entire time during your New Year Eve’s get-together, and that you could enjoy their usual, friendly selves (not their “party selves”).

And now seeing him talk so effordless with any woman at work, but not me.

When he talks to other girls, he doesn’t forget their names (or other people’s names)? Does he have memory problems only when talking to you?

Like i didn’t get friend zoned i got kicked out of the friend zone. And he keeps calling me by Nick name to me that’s what you do with friends, To me that’s like messing with my head.

Well, I can actually understand why he has a hard time being friends and being totally cool and relaxed with you – since there-s more than just friendship there. He knows for sure that you like him, and maybe he likes you too or is confused about how he’s feeling. And so there might be more than friendship on his part too. So he cannot be friends when other vibes are involved too. That’s pretty common, in fact.

he nearly got fired back in August so it is making life hard on him. He has a lot of issues, he lost 4 kilos in just one week, the drinking sometimes gets High, anxiety,

You said he’s drinking and partying a lot, sometimes all day long, without getting any sleep, or getting only 2 hours of sleep. Perhaps that’s the reason he lost 4 kg in one week? Not some serious illness, but him living a messy, self-destructive life?

Even if he’s suffering from anxiety and trauma, it doesn’t mean he needs to medicate himself with alcohol and drugs. That’s his choice, and this choice – to get regularly drunk and high – affects his mental health, as well as his capacity to love and be in a healthy relationship. He is ruining himself, making it harder for himself to get better and heal.

You’re angry at him for not treating you properly, or for sending you mixed signals…. But he is so confused and erratic that he cannot treat you better in his current state of mind. He cannot even love himself and care about himself, not to mention care about how he treats other people. At least that’s how I see it.

That’s why I think that you’re expecting too much of him. You’re expecting a decent behavior from someone who is so deeply troubled and confused. And then you take it a step further and conclude that it is YOU who is to blame:

i should be proud of trying something outside my comfort zone (yoga session) but I didn’t expect it to be this hard and now i kinda regeret doing it. I feel like i don’t even wanna try and go out and meet someone else, i just had too much heart ache, maybe i am just suposed to just be alone.

You’re making conclusions based on the failure with this troubled guy – someone who has a lot of issues and is unwilling to help himself. Frankly, you’ve chosen an impossible guy to love, and because he doesn’t reciprocate, you conclude that no one will, and that you might as well quit trying.

Can you see how false that reasoning is? Instead of concluding that the guy has a problem, you conclude that you have a problem, and that you have no chance whatsoever of finding someone who could reciprocate your love. Which is so so far from  the truth. The truth is that this specific guy cannot reciprocate your love – but it doesn’t say anything about you, or other guys!

Please, dear Katrine, don’t blame yourself for something which isn’t your fault! In recent times you’ve learned not to blame yourself, even if your sister is blaming you. Now try to expand that to this guy too: don’t blame yourself and don’t make false conclusions about yourself just because this guy isn’t returning your love. Rather, let go of him and start looking elsewhere!