Hi Tee,

Yes, it was an extremely relaxing party and they never tried to add pressure on me to take any.

He doesn’t use other people’s names when he greets them just me. He will walk up to them and be like hey mate and then he starts a small catch up conversation with them, with me it’s a bit different. If I’m around collegues he will say you alright? or nothing at all, and then when we are alone he will talk a bit more sometimes calling me by nickname several times a day and talking without really saying anything. Which he kinda allways did the first two months, saying you alright every time he walked past me, always asking the same things like what time do you finish work (we had the same schdule) you starting now? you finishing no? He didn’t call me anything until he came to my house (and forgot his hat) when he came to the bar and asked about me he used my full name .

Well that would make it feel less hurtfull. Cuz that’s exactly what I have been doing to him. Couldn’t talk to him when other people were present cuz I didn’t need and audience for me being a fool around him. Being awkward around your crush is a lot better than someone being awkward around you because they have a crush on you. And he always hangs with more women than men, he hangs with X and Y and now the pretty one (who makes me feel jealous) has been asking him to join her and her friends for drinks a couple of times. He is like seeing a completely different person. And not only is it hard because I feel excluded but also a people pleaser always making sure people around me were happy, the mere thought that I’m just plain cuasing him discomfort is really really hard. I just want everybody to be happy, and we’ve barely seen each other and I can’t give him more space than I am already doing (he starts all conversations)

He does have a lot of self destructive behaviour. He doesn’t eat a lot (manly eats salads) goes to the gym a lot and since he doesn’t have an ounce of fat too much on his body (and with all the drinking) losing 4 kilos in just one week is a hella lot. I properly have been expecting way to much of him, Anita said the exact same thing in another post. I need to meet him where he is and not where I want him to be.

I feel very defeated in my love life. What I want the most is a partner and I have only had two months of that in my life, and so much heartache. It’s such a rollercoaster for me and a lot of mental energy for me.