Trying hard to get through each day.  On February 7, it will be one year since my son committed suicide.  It’s so hard to say those words, I stumble around and try to get them out and yet not say them. (He is son No. 1, my oldest.)   January 26 is the day my middle son died. (No. 2.)  His birthday is the last of February.  Then my daughter in law died in March and my No. 1 son’s birthday is in April.  Christmas was so hard and then I knew I had all these anniversaries coming up that would cause me pain. I’m just trying to get through these next few months without losing my mind.  I struggle each day from loneliness and depression. Sometimes it’s weeks before I even talk to another living person.  It’s even harder knowing that I have another son who doesn’t care and probably would like to see me gone off the earth. I’m not sure why life has to be so hard.  I sincerely appreciate the kindness of those who responded to my post with compassion and caring.