Dear Tee,

I’m really glad to know that you’re doing well. So keep it up
And yeah I’m kinda beginner to intermediate level in French. Because I adore romance languages. I want to learn Spanish, Portuguese and Italian as well.

What, your manager wants to let go of such a good workforce like yourself?? I say this only half-jokingly, because to me that’s strange. I mean, I’d want to encourage a good, efficient employee to stay and I’d give them a promotion, rather than encourage them to leave… unless he has shares in the other company as well

You see he’s an angel investor in that company. And that position’s salary range is quite high so… and most of all 100% Remote work! Now you see what I mean? 😂
It’s been few months in city and I’m already feeling bored so I need new city adventure you know

A while ago you said you sometimes have trouble saying No to the upper management and so you just agree to everything, which then gives trouble to your team. Has that changed in the meanwhile? Are you more willing to say No to some of the unreasonable requirements coming from the upper management?

Well I’d say I haven’t perfected that I’m still working on Saying No properly but in face to face saying NO is quite hard for me. Via Emails I don’t have much problem now because I have time to think and explain the reasoning and it’s not just fight-or-fight response you know

Sounds great! Meditation for better productivity sounds cool… Are you still keeping the feedback box as well – and are they using it?

Yeah because I noticed that some of the  freshers still get anxious and worried for every little work even though I gave them freedom to make mistakes (In a way which I can solve without much issue) So I think if they’re more mindful about this it would be lot better for them in long run. Yup they are using the feedback box recently we made developers dress code 100% casual. For other teams it’s still smart casual. But still I encouraged that they prefer neutral colors so it doesn’t look too funky or sloppy for an office environment

Well, I think you should be very proud of yourself since you’ve achieved a major success: “I made some processes efficient in few weeks that he couldn’t do in months.”

Actually, it occurred to me now that your manager might feel a little threatened by you, since you’ve managed to achieve something he couldn’t do in months. Maybe that’s why he wants to send you away? Sorry if I am too suspicious and his motives are sincere…

Haha thanks!
Oh now that you pointed it out, Maybe??? But I think it’s still win-win situation for both of us. And another thing that I’m doing is that two of my assistants making “ready” for the work that is unfinished or let’s say just continue with the better stability. That way I wouldn’t have to worry much of my absence and ruining the values that I’ve created there.

Yes, it was an automatic reaction, triggered by your old wounds. That’s when our rational mind shuts down and only the limbic brain is active, which is all about fight-or-flight. You felt danger and you ran away…

Right and What kind of things could be helpful for automatic triggered reactions in your opinion?

Yes, I can imagine… because you did feel trapped (you’ve already mentioned feeling trapped in the relationship before). And in this case it was just her mentioning the possibility of a long-term relationship that caused you to feel trapped. The alarm bell went off, it signaled danger and you ran away.

Yes right and Inside my head I’m still like missing her and another side of brain is you crazy? It happened for well. You’re lot safe now.

I don’t know what was her dating experience. But I think it can be exhausting for both women and men. If she has met many guys who just want to have fun and no sincere intentions, I can imagine it’s exhausting for her…

Hmm that’s true

Right… I mean objectively, you weren’t in any imminent danger, because she didn’t ask you to marry her or anything like that. But your emotional wound made you see it as danger and react the way you did.

Haha yeah it was a silly move of me.

Have you talked about your fear of relationship/intimacy in therapy?

Yes. She told me to work on being kind with myself and loving myself more. Because it’s a part my CEN (Childhood emotional neglect) and True healing occurs when I learn to BE the loving parent to myself that I never had – Like we talked about the parent figure before (But in most natural and mindful way possible)

She told me to continue the mindfulness practices that I’m doing…

It’s a type of insecurity that I have to work on actively to break this toxic mindset. Accept other people as they are and stop expecting to be perfect because different people will show me love in different way. But if I’m just closing my heart for everyone (including myself) it could get worse over the time.

And another main thing is that my ability to trust others. Because she told me being so much independent since the teenage years now you have mindset that thinks I don’t need anyone (Emotionally) and I’m safe by myself that’s why you fear the emotional vulnerability with others.

And working on replacing on old beliefs to new beliefs to change to thought patterns.